Enough With The F***ing Caviar

We're dangerously close to caviar M&Ms

Photo by Matt Meltzer

I went to a restaurant last week and did what I always do when I go to restaurants: I ordered chicken tenders. Don’t laugh, chicken tenders are like the Maury Show of food: People with quote-unquote taste say it’s trashy, but when nobody’s watching they can’t get enough.

On this day, however, instead of the usual side of bleu cheese and carrots, these tenders came topped with caviar.

Caviar, as in the stuff James Bond used to pair with martinis and misogyny. The stuff Robin Leach used to dream alongside his champagne wishes. And now…they’re on top of chicken strips?

I get it. In this economy restaurants are scrambling for ways of making an order of $12 chicken tenders a luxury item so they can charge five times as much. And since nobody’s figured out how to make a Cheval Blanc Ranch, I guess caviar it is.

The problem is that Caviar, unlike other luxury food items like fine wines and prime steaks, really doesn’t taste that good. Sure, we all feel a little cooler tellin…