Enough With The "All Sides" Bullshit. Turkey is Still King on Thanksgiving.
You probably don't have sex on Valentine's Day either
There’s a movement out there - and by “movement” I mean “a lot of people ranting about it in the front seat of their cars” – to eliminate turkey from Thanksgiving dinner. A holiday revolution insisting “Thanksgiving dinner should be all sides,” like somehow having mashed potatoes for dinner is going to free us from the Matrix.
In their carb-addled lunacy, a dinner of rolls, carrots, and marshmallow-topped mystery puree is perfectly acceptable, reducing the year’s biggest feast to a bad church potluck.
This, ladies and gentleman, would be like saying Christmas would be better without Santa Claus. Or that St. Patrick’s Day would be better without IVs.
Look, I love me some sides. And don’t think for a minute that my Thanksgiving plate won’t have more beige food than a hospital cafeteria. But turkey is as much a part of Thanksgiving as the Macy’s parade and your aunt’s conspiracy theories. And without it, you’re just inexplicably having dinner before noon. …
