Beef Tallow: The Official Cooking Fat Of Conspiracy Theorists
Because Bill Gates is putting microchips in your olive oil
Tell me we need to go back to frying in beef tallow, and I’m instantly going to judge you. Because the next words out of your mouth are probably going to be “jet fuel can’t melt steel.”
I’m not sure why (actually, I am) people who swear by the health benefits of beef tallow also seem to think Neil Armstrong never walked anywhere but a Burbank TV studio. But over the past year I’ve had people who’ve told me about tallow go on to insist Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by the World Bank (founded in 1944), the government creates hurricanes, and the world is controlled from the Denver Airport. I wish I was making any of these up.
And though there’s no scientific proof showing how beef tallow rots people’s brains, well, it’s an interesting coincidence, isn’t it?
Full disclosure, I’m a little biased here. While I love a nice, lean steak, I find animal fat vile, and would rather eat a raw funnel cake than anything fried in beef tallow. But that, friends, is a matter of taste. And if you like fatty flavors I can respect that.
What I can’t respect, is insisting that saturated fat – the same stuff we’ve known contributes to high cholesterol for decades – is the new kale.
Back in the good old days, when we watched black and white TV and fried everything in animal fat, the average American life expectancy was about 68 (if you believe the illuminati at the Mayo Clinic). Now? It’s about 78. Are there other factors at play other than reducing our intake of animal fat? Sure. But pointing to a time when we lived a decade shorter as “healthier” makes me wonder if you think math is a global conspiracy too.
I’m not going to insist vegetable oil is any better for you, because I have the same amount of experience in food science and medicine as people who preach to me about beef tallow – which is none.
What they do have considerably more experience in is going down internet rabbit holes of misinformation. Which explains why you could drive a herd of cattle through the venn diagram of flat earthers and the Beef Tallow Brigade.
Friends of Beef Fat also like to mention that tallow’s more sustainable than vegetable oil. And while that may have some merit, these folks aren’t exactly clamoring for a ban on single use plastics, either. It sounds more like trying to make beef consumption sound healthy AND sustainable, which is exactly what Big Beef would do. Follow the money, people. Follow the money.
Look, frying anything beyond a light sauté in olive oil isn’t healthy. So debating the merits of beef tallow vs. vegetable oil is kinda like arguing the artistic superiority of Morgan Wallen and BigXthaPlug. If we’re serious about making America healthy, maybe we just stop deep frying apples.
To me, conspiracy theories are like religion: Believe whatever you want, as long as it makes you happy. Just don’t force it on anyone, and don’t make it public policy. Because once my BK side choices are beef fat fries or a salad, that’s where I draw the line. And remember, my people run everything.
Now please, link me some extremely credible YouTube videos to prove me wrong in the comments